So my last entry was in February when I was on my first OCR race high. Here we are 5 months later and I am heavier than ever. I weighed in at 184.3 this morning on the scale!! I always seem to have an excuse to put off getting off my ass; "I'll do it tomorrow when I'm not so tired.", "I deserve to take it easy. I work really hard.", "I need to start at the beginning of the week/month.", "I ate like crap today. Working out isn't going to accomplish anything.".
My goal with this blog is to be brutally honest and not hide behind the excuses that a lot of us do. I know the second I say or think an excuse that it is an excuse and that I should get my ass up and do SOMETHING but I don't. Then I see myself in the mirror. I am disgusted with myself. I silently chew myself out for being such a lazy loser and tell myself I know better.
The side effects of my weight resonate throughout my entire life. I don't feel sexy or attractive so I don't want to be intimate with my husband. I hate the way I look in ANY clothes I wear so I really don't like going out anymore, anywhere (unless its a dark theater). I am not active so I tend to stay at rest and be the most comfortable when I am at rest. When I do move everything aches, hurts or feels like there is too much pressure on it ,which there is because 184lbs is a lot of weight.
I am constantly waiting for the "perfect" time and conditions in which to start this new life of mine. That is another set of excuses; "I need workout clothes.", "I need this/that equipment.".
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! No more waiting. No more putting it off. Also no more pressure on myself. My goal is not to complete any specific program or stick to any specific schedule. My goal is simply to move. Everyday. Go for a walk. Go for a bike ride. Complete a workout video. Do some yoga. I will not pressure myself to be perfect. I just want myself to start already!
I will have a meal planner but that benefits not only me but my family as well. It is easier to set and stick to a budget if you know what you will be eating ahead of time. My main problem I have noticed is that I still snack when I am bored. When I smoked I would just go out and smoke when I was bored. Now food is my crutch. Another habit I have to break.
So for now it just about not staying still. And that is good enough.
